I saw other mamas who had kids Lincoln's age already announcing a new pregnancy and I was jealous. I thought my sweet boy was all grown up and that all of the sweetest and best moments about his babyhood were gone - and that I needed another baby to experience it all over again.
Would he have had an easier time transitioning to a toddler bed and learning to sleep (almost) through the night? Would it have taken him longer to finally say mama? Would we be able to go to storytime and the park and the zoo more often, without me worrying that he will run away while I'm occupied with the baby?
I wouldn't want him to miss out on having a built-in friend so close in age. They are both so happy to see each other at the start of the day. They love to "play drums" together, and hardly a day goes by when he doesn't shout "MAMA! Baby down!" in an effort to have me place her beside him. Their bond will be stronger since they are so close - won't it?
Obviously there is no going back now. But I truly don't want to change anything about our family. And in case you wondered, yes, that does mean I am in no hurry to add any additional sweet babies to our gang.
I just want to soak up the little moments. Lincoln's belly laugh and Addie's giggle. The determined look in her eye when she wants a cracker crumb and will stop at nothing to reach it. The way his eyes light up and he shouts "Mommy! Bounce - tigger! Inky bounce tigger!" and stomp-jumps his way all around the living room. The way she feels when she is snuggled up to me (endlessly nursing) while I write.
These are the things I want to remember. I want my precious children to know that no matter what - regardless of how sleep deprived I am - they make my heart smile.
Slow down, time. Because, really, I am not in a hurry.