Every stay at home mom has resorted to using the wide world of television programming to aid in entertaining their child at some time. If someone says their kid has never been put in front of a mindless-yet-educational bit of entertainment for the sake of mom having ten minutes to take a shower, they're lying. Or they're such an incredible supermom that there is no way we could be friends.
When your television watching goes from grown-up-entertainment to kid-entertainment, it's a little bit of a system shock. You might find yourself having extremely intense discussions with your significant other about the inner workings of said kid entertainment.
Think I'm wrong? Below, I narrate a few of the discussions Andrew and I have actually had in recent weeks, in regards to our Lincoln's favorite Disney Junior shows. Warning: you may be confused if you are not familiar with these particular programs.
|The unique stuffed bear.|
-Does Oso have something against pants? He wears the gloves and vest, yeah (or are his paws actually that blueish greenish color?) - but they're not really the latest fashion. Even a shirt would help the poor bear out.
-Teaching kids that anything in life can be accomplished in just "three special steps" is going to lead to some severe disappointment later in life. Seriously.
-There's an episode where Oso must help a little girl make a bird feeder because the girl really wants her backyard birds to stay, even though it's time for them to migrate. Instead of being nice and educational and explaining why the birds have to leave - and how they will come back next spring, instead we encourage kids to keep the birds from flying south for the winter! So...they're likely going to freeze to death! Not part of the plan, Oso.
-My biggest pet peeve with this show: what is wrong with all the parents? Most of them seem to have some sort of issue, be it something small like not being able to help a child wrap a birthday present - or something absurdly inappropriate, like not remembering where your child's bus stop is. It's not like it's difficult - I mean, the street signs even have pictures to remind you what they are called.
-Every time I hear myself say "sounds like a plan," I die a little inside. Catch phrase=ruined.
-Why are only some of the characters given the privilege of having arms? Crocker, Toadhog, and Bungo are the lucky minority. This seems unfair, especially as none of them are the main characters. Zooter and Ellyvan should have received special accommodations.
-It's an unexplored jungle "far from anywhere" in a place that "no one knows" - but they have a highly-developed road and traffic system in place. And no one ever falls off the super loopy, steep roads.
-What kind of creepy jungle is this, where they have one-footed (wheeled) flying flamingos, pink bubbly lagoons, and worst of all: shrinky bushes, which make you decrease in size until you literally disappear?!!?!
This is the show that we watch most of all. We're currently planning a Clubhouse themed birthday party. I frequently refer to ordinary objects as Mouske-somethings (examples - Mousekemommy, Mousekemuffin, Mousekesnack, Mousekenaptime). Therefore - this show has raised the most questions about what on earth is going on!
-First up - where are all of the Mouseketool animals housed? When a red ribbon or a button just won't do the job, Toodles will call upon the baby hippo, baby elephant, regular-sized elephant, or giant space chicken. But where do they come from? They have to live somewhere, since they are frequent visitors to the show. And I am afraid that Mickey's Clubhouse is not in the correct ecosystem to sustain the exotic animals.
-Since Lincoln is obsessed with cars and trucks, we watch the Road Rally episode quite often. In this story, Daisy wears roller-skates, but somehow manages to keep up with the Toon Car, the rescue truck, and the choo-choo train. She's apparently been doing her Mousekercises, since she is never lagging behind. We're not even going to discuss how Chip and Dale are riding a scooter that is appropriately sized for Goofy.
-I appreciate the effect of the magical clubhouse that only comes out when it's time to play. But - where does everyone go when the Hot Dog Dance is done and they all dance off down the road? Do they sleep in Mickey Park? Or at Star Lake?
-But, our biggest issue with Mickey Mouse in general is this: why can't Pluto talk and must walk on all fours, but Goofy stands and speaks? They do seem to be the same species. We've spent an outlandish amount of time discussing this deep issue. Andrew's theory is that the Mickey Mouse gang ran into some radioactive goo that turned them into anthropomorphic creatures, ala Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Pluto did not get as much goo, which is why he is more human than a "normal" dog but not as advanced as Goofy.
Yeah, we seriously just talked about this for ten minutes.
Have your favorite kid's shows raised similar questions? Please discuss. I'm all ears. Supercheers!
Disclaimer: this post is completely all in fun. We actually do like these shows. Especially Mickey.